March 24, 2011

Mid-life Crisis #27

A few times a year I have a mini mid-life crisis. Like I need to find something meaningful to do with my life. Run a non-profit. Become an artist (is that a choice?). Sommelier, restaurant owner, personal trainer, decorator...you get the picture. Usually it happens when work isn't going so well (like now) or when I spend a lot of time alone in my head. Like when I'm on a flight looking through magazines or reading a book - gathering up inspiration and big ideas page by page. I had one of those flights on Monday on my way to San Francisco, reading shelter mags and listening to Adele's new album. I think this melancholy was fueled mainly by Adele's songs  but all of my travel and stress at work didn't help any. My insides tell me to Run. Hide. Change. Find Something New.

Back to Adele - what a talent! Man that sista has soul. But she sounds so so sad. I've listened to albums like this before, over and over and over. They lull me in with their melancholy and bring me down without me realizing. What a gift to be able to sing like that. So much life for such a young woman. It kills me that I see her sing with all her talent yet still I think, she would be so beautiful if only....if only she lost weight she would be drop dead gorg. If only I didn't live in a glass house. I'm sure the same has been said of me. Why do we judge people so freely? This song reminds me of the day Bernie left college for Colorado and I was still in school. No goodbye.
I start to wonder if I'm headed in the wrong direction (in life, not on the plane, duh). I wonder if the money is worth it. I wonder why we can't all do something we are passionate about? Why passion doesn't always pay the mortgage. And a day later as I was wondering whether or not to even write about this I read through my ever-growing blog roll and figured these couldn't be coincidences.

Centsational Girl "The Dangers of Risk Taking" - lawyer turned mom and professional design blogger

Bernie's Uncle David who chose to enter the Peace Corps and spend a few years in Tonga instead of retiring. What an adventure he has entered! He inspires me.

And we have some actors in the family that inspire us with Lady Gaga parodies and an incredible t.v. pilot. But what impresses me most is not how impossibly cool they are but what a loving family they have created amongst the craziness of L.A.

Don't worry, this isn't some public cry for help. I'm fine. Just busier than I'd care to be. Gone more than my husband cares for I'm sure. But things are looking up, for a few days anyway. I'm headed home on Friday and the sun has escaped the cold San Francisco rain for the briefest of moments. Happy Friday everyone.

2 comments:

  1. sorry you are feeling low lady. Don't despair. I'm still figuring out what I want to be when I grow up. I'm so impressed that you stay as positive as you do, on the road, and working like you do. That is a gift. I would crumble.

    AND you do so much creative stuff! You're picture perfect home, your beautiful garden. All inspirational.

    As for the judgement, oh man oh man, oh man. It makes me crazy too. And I totally struggle with it. We live in the hotbed of superficial judgement. The year Jennifer Hudson was on American Idol, there was another girl, a skinny girl whose name I can't remember, that my old agent said he was in talks to sign. I said, but what about Jennifer Hudson, she's such an amazing singer?! And he said with no shame "uhm no, she's fat". WHAT THE FUCK?! Never mind she was more talented. I said, good lord, it's a good thing Aretha Franklin wasn't trying to break in to the business today. He didn't think that was funny.

    Every time I see Jennifer Hudson in ANYTHING, I giggle with glee at all the money that old agent isn't making off of her.

    hang in there sister. You are one ass kicking mama, and I for one feel lucky to know you.

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  2. You are so sweet! Thanks for the kind words. I made a decision yesterday, whether or not I can stick with it is another thing, but I'm just going to care less about work. It seems no one else cares so why should I turn myself upside down...let's give that a try this week.

    Jennifer Hudson...I feel even worse about that one because she looks SO GOOD NOW. ugh.

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